I come across some spare time and suddenly remember, I have a blog! It's been ages since I looked at it, so I decide to visit the blog, and realise it's been months since my last update!
Of course, it's been an enlightening duration. Over the last few months, I've reflected upon my life, done some soul searching, gone through ups and downs...
After a lot of crazy days, I woke up one day wondering what I was doing with my life. I guess that question pops up in my head every now and then. But I choose to ignore it. However, this time, I couldn't shake it off that easily. It kept nagging me, creeping into my mind when I least expected it to, until I realised I had to do something about it. I spoke to friends and family, hoping to get an outsider's perspective on my life. If I rely on my own judgement, I'm likely to look for a solution to the problem in the bottom of a bottle.
I did get a lot of 'feedback' from my friends, mostly all negative. Apparently, I was living recklessly. So I decided to give myself a time-out. Enough with the hustle-bustle. Enough with living life one day at a time. I needed a clearer picture. I needed answers.
Of course, I was not about to pull an Elizabeth Gilbert and travel around the world for some soul-searching. I don't have that kind of leisure time, nor do I have a publisher willing to finance my travels. So I opted for a quicker, cheaper, more effective method - 10 days at a Vipassana Centre in Igatpuri.
Everyone was shocked when I broke the news. Those who knew me well were confident that I wouldn't last a day. And it is quite easy to make that assumption. My weekends are a booze-filled blur, my meals are incomplete without meat and I cannot live without my cell phone. I had to give all that up. For 10 days. I can't make it to 10 minutes without my phone.
I knew it was going to be a challenge. And I love challenges. But this was a completely different one. 10 days away from civilisation. If a war broke out, I wouldn't know, because I would be living in this isolated little place nestled among the mountains.
Before I left, I made the most of my reckless lifestyle.I drank and ate to my heart's content, did a lot of things I'm not all that proud of, and worked like there was no tomorrow. And finally, one day, I packed my bags and set off to this new adventure.
When I arrived there, I was fascinated to see the crowd. 'It cannot be that bad,' I thought to myself. And surprisingly, it wasn't.
After a day or two, I got used to not having my cell phone around. The place requires you to maintain silence, and I realised how it gave me time to dwell on my thoughts without any external interruption. The peace and quiet was something I had never experienced before. No buzzing cell phones or blaring car horns. Just peace.Complete silence.
During these 10 days, I learnt to live with myself. And I congratulate all those who have lived with me so far, because I realise it isn't an easy task. I began to accept my faults, and worked on ways to improve them, instead of ignoring them all together. I managed to answer all the doubts I had in mind, and above all else, I manged to calm down. For the first time in ages, my thoughts were not fuelled by my emotions. I was thinking clearly, independently.
When I got back to life as we know it, I wondered how long this phase would last. When isolated from the world, all that I learned helped me keep an open mind. But how would it help me when I got back into the real world, where a distracting influential factor aweaited at every corner, waiting to sway my mind.
I got back knowing one thing - my happiness and my misery depended entirely upon me. I had to choose between them. And for once, I chose happiness. And it did come my way. In hoards. Sure, a lot of things are just the same. There are ups and downs all along the way. But at the end of each day, I now go to bed thanking God for all the good things I have. I wake up each morning hoping that the day will turn out to be a good one. And it does.
This happiness sure is addictive. But it is appreciated. And it's been a long time coming. I do hope that everyone shares this happiness some day.
Hakuna Matata!
